If you’ve ever experienced a man who doesn’t know how to be a generous lover and don’t know how to explain to him what it’s like for a woman in ways that he can understand, you can direct him to this guide.

Woman seem to intuitively know what kind of man will be a generous lover. It’s in the way he moves, the way he speaks and particularly his ability to connect by looking deep into her eyes.

But when it comes to actual technique the best lovers are the best kissers and the ones who know how to use their mouth in all the ways that please a woman (particularly in how they communicate with her during sex).

I’ve been told that most men don’t know how to give great oral pleasure to a woman. They’re too rough, too gentle, can’t sense the rhythm or pressure she enjoys or find it and then change to something else too quickly.

It’s because a guy assumes that a woman wants what he wants the way he wants it and tries to please her the way he likes to be pleased. She’s not, so let me explain it in terms men will understand.

When it comes to oral pleasure, men tend to come in five types:

1. The Avoider – he’s simply not interested, either because he’s not a generous lover or because he had some kind of traumatic oral experience in his past.

2. The Eager Beaver – he dives in like oral IS the foreplay because he doesn’t realize how personal this is to a woman. Once he starts he either ignores her signals because he’s so excited that he’s face to face with Nirvana or too boyish in his need for reassurance that what he’s doing is working for her.

3. Mr. Rough & Ready – he’s a score keeper that figures if he’s going to get some he’d better give some. He begins with her breasts for two minutes then moves down to mechanically go about his duty for another two minutes with all the finesse of a lumbering elephant before determining she’s ready for the main event.

4. The Human Pleasure Toy – this man is an expert when it comes to technique. He can expertly and deftly bring her to climax and prides himself on being such an expert when it comes to giving a woman an orgasm, but it’s a big performance with little intimate connection.

5. The Evolved Lover – this man sees more than just the sexuality of his partner, he sees her soul. His connection to her goes beyond just touching different aspects of her body and he understands that for her sex is an intimate connection of mind, body and energy. His focus is his woman, not her orgasm.

RULES TO GREAT ORAL (9 Parts Trust, 1 Part Technique)

This can’t simply be a technique instruction manual, because really that’s not the most important part. If you can’t relax your woman there’s no way she’s going to be able to enjoy herself anyway. I’ll begin with explaining how to create a space of trust and THEN I’ll get into the specifics of technique.

1. You don’t just dive in and devour her. Women as a rule have insecurities. She has no idea how you’re going to react to the way she looks, the way she tastes and smells, the way she sounds, the way parts of her body jiggle and no clue how good you’re going to be at following her signals.

Forplay does NOT begin with you jamming your fingers past the seams of her bra or underwear, it begins with the sense of trust and security you create for her in the conversation, kissing and cuddling leading up to this.

A woman wants to be seen for the unique individual she is and believe that you see her as special, care about what she thinks and how she feels. This means that before you kiss her you need to have heard and understood her. If she can’t trust you with her mind, then why would she ever trust you with something even more intimate like her body?

Women are the opposite of men when it comes to sex. For men, the most intimate act is to open our heart to you. For women, the most intimate act is to open your body to us. Because we all tend to assume that others are like us we apply the Golden Rule and we do to you exactly what we’d like to be done to us.

Men see the path to intimacy through sex where as women see the path to sex through intimacy. I think we’re designed this way to create a greater likelyhood that we’ll have sex and bond with a partner who has worked hard to ensure it’s a good match, but it does seem to be a big obstacle in the meeting of the minds for the sexes.

There is a look in a woman’s eyes that tell you when she wants to be kissed, when she wants to be touched and when she wants to be seen naked by you. The only way you’re ever going to figure this out is by looking into them.

This is why doing it drunk in the dark is so immature. If you’re not confident enough that you can create a space safe enough for her sober in at least candle light you haven’t

earned the right to hold the safety and security of her self-image.

When you talk to her you need to be reading her eyes for signs of interest and connection. When you joke or tease her you need to watch her eyes and body language for signs of receptiveness. When you kiss you need to take a break and have the courage to look at her and feel the experience from her side.

2. USE YOUR MOUTH

Once she feels seen you’re going to have to let her know what it is about her that makes her so desireable to you. This involves the most important way you’re going to use your mouth…TALK to her!

Because men can be disconnected emotionally from the act of sexuality, they perceive woman to be the same. They don’t recognize how intimate the act is for her and are rediculously unaware of the insecurities she has about her body.

Your job is to let her know all of the things that you think are so incredibly delicious about her and murmur them out loud as you’re getting to know her body:

-The way you love how some part of her looks

-The texture of her skin, the way her hair feels

-The smell of her scent or perfume

-The taste of her lips

-The curve of her hips and breasts

There are things about her body that someone has made her feel uncomfortable at some point. In her mind she feels those parts of her will never be acceptable. This is where you get to be a hero if you’re man enough to recognize it.

As an Evolved man, you explain to her the way YOU see her differently than the immature lovers of her past. You let her know why a man would appreciate her thick thighs, her wide hips, her smallish breasts or whatever she is self conscious about.

You don’t have to figure out a whole bunch of things to say to her, but you do need to take your time and show that you appreciate the parts of her body that appear to be different from the women of Sports Illustrated and as things proceed that it’s ok for her to not possess the anatomy of porn stars.

(An aside to women, YES there are men who truly appreciate and even prefer your body type over that of a Barbie Doll. They’re more rare than the ones who do maybe, but then so are you.)

3. UNDRESS HER WITH YOUR EYES

A woman doesn’t want to tell a man when she’s ready for him, she wants a man she can trust to read her signs. So you need to look into her eyes and be telling her what you are loving about her and what you’re planning to do next.

The bedroom is the place where she expects YOU to lead with what’s being said and I don’t mean, “Do you like this?”, “How about this?” or “What else do you like?” She want’s to hear everything you love about her and for you to tell her what you want to do to her next a while before you actually go do it. This gives her the chance to let you know with her eyes if that’s what she would enjoy.

The paradox is that women are far more sexual than men, but they must be more reserved in their expression of it. This is why looking into her eyes and taking her in visually and commenting on what you like is so important. She needs to be reassured that not only is she sexually appealing to you, but that you welcome her sexuality rather than judge her for it.

4. PAY ATTENTION TO EXACTLY WHAT SHE WANTS

I’m going to let a woman describe this next part because frankly, I can’t tell you what feels good to her. The following is from a post I came across on Tumbler. It’s the best description I’ve ever read on the subject.

The key is being able to read the signs. You could be the best sexual mechanic in the world, but if you can’t read the emotional road signs, you’re going to end up wandering around in a desolate labial wasteland until, eventually, you drop from exhaustion, hot tears of confusion streaming down your face.

Think of oral as your way of saying, “although I am about to rock your insides with 3 000 lbs. of explosives, here’s a little intimate treat session to show you how I really feel.”

Instead of screaming “OH MY GOD!!” like her baby has been trapped under a car (which is what sex should do), cunnilingus elicits a more splendiferous “ooohmygodohmygod-ohmygod.”

BE DOWN!!

Don’t go down unless you’re down. Unlike fellatio, cunnilingus can never be done as a favor. Doing it when you don’t want to will only bring on the dry heaves. Love it or leave it alone.

DON’T SAY “HI” TO DRY

A dry pussy is an unhappy pussy. If your fingers graze a dry bush, go back to the kissing and hugging for awhile. Just make sure you actually dip your finger between the lips. Sometimes moisture gets trapped between the labia and a little fingerial coaxing is all that’s needed to get the honey dripping.

Once you’re sure the beaver is wet, give it a few light, teasing strokes with your finger. There’s nothing worse than rushing into this, so make sure she’s really begging for it before you get under the covers.

Important: Don’t play your trump card too soon by putting your fingers all the way inside. This can detract from the upcoming penetration and kill the tease factor. Try to remember that most of a woman’s pleasure is about yearning. Poking it in too soon is sure to put out the fire.

SUBMARINE MISSION

Once she’s lathered up, it’s time to go down. Get your fingers out of there and don’t touch anything for a bit. Let your lap do a bit of grinding and get some last-minute necking in like you’re going away on vacation.

Though it’s very tempting on your way down to pull the blankets over your head like a little mole-man, this is a very bad idea. It gets super hot down there and whipping the duvet off your head and gasping for air ten seconds before she comes is pretty much going to kill the mood.

Start by kissing her breasts and stomach and slowly working your way down. Don’t get carried away, though. That’s something you should have taken care of before the pants even came off. Right now it’s all about the stomach and inner thighs. A little bit of gentle biting is good, but a sure winner is to start at the knee and move towards the muff in a slow, shark-like swoop.

Nibble your way right up to the edge, then skip across it and head for the other knee. Repeat. Doing this a few times will get her really hot and save you a lot of pussy-eating time in the long run. 

When you’re just about ready to do the deed, start practicing on that weird crevice next to the lips. Don’t spend too long there or she might start to think that you think that’s it.

By now she should be dying for you to make your move. If you’re doing it right, she’ll be moaning and trying to force your head between her legs. Stretch this phase out until she looks like she’s been holding her breath for three days.

Extra trick: Hover over for about five seconds before the first lick. If you wait longer than that, she might think you’re having second thoughts because it smells bad.

Important: Never bite in any way whatsoever!

THE GRAND ENTRANCE

One hot trick is to get her to spread her lips apart so her pussy is all set up for you like a great big buffet.

Do your first lick super slow. It’s good to groan and moan too. It shows you’re digging it while sending microscopic audiophonic vibrations right up her snapper. Start just at the very bottom and take it all the way to the fur. Do about a dozen of these “St. Bernard licks” before moving on (take it really slow, like four seconds per lick).

This is a good time to figure out what kind of clit she has. If it’s real sensitive she’ll probably convulse as you pass over it and that means you’re probably in for an easy ride. If there’s no reaction when you graze over her clit, she probably has one of those nerveless little pea clits and you’re in for a thirty-minute session of tongue-tendinitis.

ROCK THE BOAT

Eating pussy is so gentle it can make you feel like a bit of a wuss. If you’re getting tired of being ballerina boy, take it out on the clit. Figure out how much abuse it can take without making her uncomfortable and show the little button who’s boss. After all, Ms. Elusive is precisely what makes muff diving so difficult. She’s surrounded by labia and, even after you find her, all the pressure can pop her over to the side.

Once your tongue finds it use your lips to get hers out of the way and focus all your attention right there. Give it a bit of a hard time for trying to hide from you.

Extra important tip: The best way to stimulate the clit is to run your entire tongue over it after you isolate it from the lips. The man in the boat should feel the texture of the entire tongue pushing down.

IDENTIFYING THE CLIT TYPE

After the slow licks it’s time to get this party started. There are essentially two types of clitori. Ones that enjoy a serious going over and ones that don’t.

Extra tip: Clits come in all shapes, sizes and sensitivities, but that doesn’t really tell you much. All of them want to be treated slow and soft at the beginning but the only way to tell if you can go fast at the end is by reading her reactions. This is impossible to teach but just do the best you can. All we can tell you is convulsing means take it easy and “Oh my God” means bring it on.

CLITS THAT NEED A SERIOUS GOING OVER

These are the most fun because you can be creative. Pretend your tongue is the bad cop and the clit is the one who killed your partner. Separate it out from the lips and suck it right up into your mouth.

Keep it erect by creating an air-tight vacuum chamber in your mouth. After a few teasers and swirling circles, rat-a-tat-tat it like a boxer whacking a speed bag. If she starts freaking out like it’s too much, ease up on the interrogation and go back to the St. Bernard licks.

The vacuum is a great way to bring her to orgasm, but it’s a bit much sometimes, so mix things up with some circles around the clit and some tongue fucking. As you’re closing in for the kill, go back to the vacuum and give it relentless tongue smacking.

Up-and-downies are usually the most effective, but your tongue will get less tired if you throw in a few side-to-sides. When you feel the inner thighs start to shake, this is it. Be repetitive.

Do NOT be creative. You’re almost home and this is not the time to start changing tactics.

Extra tip: To keep the rhythm going, try repeating a chant in your head that goes with the movement of your tongue like a Mic Mac Indian (hi-yi-yi-ya, hi-yi-yi-ya, hi-yi-yi-ya). Any inconsistent action may throw her off, killing the mood or at least setting you back a few minutes, which is bad for morale.

Important: Keep going several seconds after her orgasm. Remember, it isn’t over until the hands come down from above and lay you off. If she’s multi-orgasmic you’ll have to keep going until you’ve done the whole routine another four or five times. If you’re not sure what to do, just keep givin’ ‘er until the magic hands come down to pull you off.

CLITS THAT DON’T

Some clits don’t want to be singled out and battered around. These are the boring ones that need to be treated with gentle care. Just do casual St. Bernard licks until she cums, pure and simple.

If you’re getting bored try going in some different directions for a while. A good way to keep it random is to spell out different letters of the alphabet with the tip of your tongue. You could be looking at half an hour here pal…

THE CONCLUSION

Once you’re done (totally finished) she’s going to want you out of there pronto because the whole area is sensitive. Instead of leaving, stick out your tongue and lay it down on her like a thick, soggy carpet.

Make sure you don’t move it or anything because that can actually hurt her. Just let it sit there like a dead manta ray for about thirty seconds. Then come up and wipe your face like a pirate.

You now have the task of satisfying her again, but this time you’re going to do it the way you’ve been waiting for and by now she’ll be desperate to have you inside her.

Source- Whatevolvedwomenwantblog Learn more »

A growing number of people claim to suffer from “Sexsomnia”, a type of sleeping disorder where sufferers have sex while they sleep, a new study has claimed.

'Sexsomnia': more people suffering from 'sex while sleeping disorder', study claims

Experts say such sexual behaviour that occurred while sleeping can range from masturbation through to physical intercourse.

Canadian researchers found almost one in 12 people had admitted engaging or initiating some sort of sexual activity while they slept.

Men accounted for three-quarters of the self-reported "sexsomniacs", they found.

Experts say such sexual behaviour that occurred while sleeping can range from masturbation through to physical intercourse.

In their study, presented at a recent sleep conference, researchers from the Sleep Research Laboratory at the University Health Network in Toronto, found the disorder was more common than previously thought.

In the study, which has not been published, researchers interviewed 832 patients who they suspected of suffering from some sort of sleep disorder.

The 428 men and 404 women, who had also been referred to the clinic, also completed questionnaires about their symptoms, fatigue, mood and behaviour during sleep.

The study, presented last week at the annual Associated Professional Sleep Societies conference, in San Antonio, Texas, found that more than one in 10 male and four per cent of female interviewees admitted they had engaged in "sleep sex”.

Dr Sharon Chung, a scientist from the UHN, said people who suffered from it generally had no recollection of engaging in such activity.

"We were surprised at how common it was. We thought we'd get just a handful of people, yet it was almost one in 12 (people),” said Dr Chung, who led the study.

"There have been no previous studies of how frequently sexsomnia occurs.”

"While our finding of eight per cent of people reporting sexsomnia seems really a high number, it should be stressed that we only studied patients referred to a sleep clinic.”

She added: "Is it a problem? As long as you don't get into legal problems and as long as your partner doesn't mind, it's not a problem.

"Although it can leave you tired the next day."

She said the phenomenon was a form of parasomnia, or unwanted behaviour during sleep.

It can also occur during sleepwalking, according to the International Classification of Sleep Disorders.

Dr Chung said insomnia, fatigue and depressed moods were common symptoms of people reporting sexsomnia.

"An act of parasomnia can be as small as opening your eyes while fast asleep or grinding your teeth, to getting up and vacuuming, speaking, eating or having sex," Dr Chung said.

It is thought that people are who suffer from it are generally found to be in a state of semi-arousal and are generally not conscious of it.

Dr Chung found that many patients failed to consult their doctor about the condition partly due to embarrassment, their physician rarely asking about it or even that some weren’t even bothered by it.

In Britain, the disorder has been used in some court cases as a defence of a defendant’s actions. Source-Telegraph.co.uk

  Learn more »

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post. Learn more »

Incorporate The Tantra Into Your Sex Life

We can guess what comes to mind when we say "tantric sex": Sting. Ever since the musician made a drunken comment to an interviewer about having tantric sex for hours with his wife, Trudie Styler, the specifics of the tantra have become a bit murky. But don't fret: To enjoy everything tantric sex has to offer, you don't have to purchase an Oriental rug, shave your head or even listen to The Police.

To get to the heart of what tantric sex actually means, we caught up with Mark Michaels and Patricia Johnson, authors of Great Sex Made Simple: Tantric Tips to Deepen Intimacy and Heighten Pleasure, who schooled us in the ways of the tantra — and how regular women (yep, that's you!) can get the most out of their sex lives using tantric techniques.

How Sting got it wrong

If you take away nothing else from this story, remember that the 5,000-year-old Eastern spiritual practice of tantric sex does not mean that you have to make love for hours. Instead, enlightenment and having a reverence for your partner that lasts beyond the length of any orgasm is at the core of the teachings, Michaels and Johnson say.

"The tantric approach has far more to do with your mental approach than with technique."

"It's funny that a comment Sting made over 20 years ago still has an enduring hold on the public's imagination," the couple says. "He's tried to explain it away or recant it in various ways. At one point, he said that he regretted making the statement and didn't really feel he could talk about the subject beyond saying that his wife, Trudy, is his church. That's much closer to what the spirit of tantric sex is all about."

"In the classical sexual ritual, the participants worship each other as embodiments of deities. We encourage people to bring an attitude of reverence into their lovemaking and to all their interactions. The tantric approach has far more to do with your mental approach than with technique. It's certainly got nothing to do with bragging about staying power."

But in tantric sex, you can feel pleasure longer...

"That said, prolonged lovemaking is part of the tradition," Michaels and Johnson say. "The tantrics of old recognized that orgasm can be a mystical experience, often the most readily accessible mystical experience of all. During orgasm, the mind goes quiet, and you may feel a sense of merger — be it with a partner or even with all that is.

For most of us, the transcendent potential in sex is something that's experienced only briefly, during the orgasm itself. If you extend arousal and focus on building it (this need not include genital intercourse), you may start to feel this sense of union well before you have an orgasm, and it is likely to last far longer than it would in more conventional lovemaking. So making it last is a means to an end, not an end in itself. If you can stay turned on for a half hour or so, you're likely to experience the altered state of consciousness we just described."

How to incorporate elements of tantric sex into your own bedroom:

1. Focus on your breathing and your (and your partner's) reaction to touch

"It's fairly common for people to check out during sex, to do things by rote and without a whole lot of reflection. Paying attention to what you're experiencing in your body, the way you are breathing and how your partner is responding are all very important," the couple says.

2.Give and receive — start with kisses

"To take this a step further, people tend to interact sexually based on a set of tacit understandings: Basically, I'll do you for a while, and then you can do me, and if we're lucky, we'll both have a good experience," Michaels and Johnson say.

"We encourage people to separate giving and receiving in a very methodical way. For example, it's great to experiment with giving and receiving kisses. Take a couple of minutes and allow your partner to kiss you and explore your mouth with his tongue. Then reverse roles. When you're kissing, see how fully you can give yourself over to the active role. When you're receiving, surrender to the experience completely."

3.Take 60 minutes and give each other a massage — but no sex yet!

"Set aside an hour or so to give and receive full body massages (culminating with genital stimulation but not intercourse). Do this on different days. As with the kissing exercise, the role of the giver is to give as fully as possible, and the role of the receiver is simply to receive. Taking this activity out of the realm of foreplay and keeping the roles clearly defined may help you discover new sources of pleasure, and may also give you new insights into the way you interact with your partner both in and out of bed."

4.Break a taboo by just talking about sex

"Many traditional tantric practices involved breaking cultural taboos, and there were many in medieval India," the couple says. "This was true both in the context of sexual ritual and more generally. In the simplest terms, the violation of these cultural norms had a liberating effect. Of course, we don't live in a society that has such clearly defined social rules, but we all have our own self-imposed limitations and our habitual ways of being, in lovemaking and more generally in life. If you can shed some of your inhibitions, you're likely to experience more pleasure. Talking frankly about sex is a big taboo for many, so for many, having frequent and explicit conversations about sex is a great first step."

5.Explore a personal sexual taboo together

"If you want to get a little bolder, you can identify a couple of personal taboos (you can also do this as a couple by identifying shared taboos), and then decide on one that you might be interested in breaking," Michaels and Johnson say. "Don't pick anything huge at first; it might just mean making love with the lights on or experimenting with light bondage, sensory deprivation or role-play. The purpose is to become more flexible and aware and to be less limited by preconceived ideas about yourself. Sometimes we deprive ourselves of a lot of pleasure by thinking, 'I'm not the kind of person who would enjoy that. Source- Sheknows.com Learn more »

Let’s face it, the last thing you want to do when the temperatures hit 30+ is get all hot and sweaty for a session of horizontal tango. But if you don’t want the heatwave to ruin your sex life, follow these tips by Lovehoney’s sex and relationship expert Tracey Cox.

1. Slow down and try things that are maybe a little less energetic. Focus less on intercourse and more on lazy oral sex.

2. Try sex in the shower or, even better, have some fun in the back garden with a hose.

3. Al fresco sex is great, particularly if there is an element of surprise. Sex on the car bonnet is fun if it is not part of a routine.

4. Don't get caught. Fields, hedgerows, bushes and forests can be amazing locations but are not for the shy and retiring. If you're worried about being exposed, find a barn on a quiet farm and enjoy the shelter from the elements and prying eyes. (PS: It is perfectly legal to have having sex outdoors as long as no one sees you and it is not in a public place such as a park or toilets.)

5. Best positions - erect is best. Standing positions are better for high-risk outdoors sex as you can easily extricate yourselves from the situation and make a run for it! Stand with your back to him, bend over and grab your legs or the nearest available surface. With him slipping his trousers down just a tad and you lifting your skirt, he can penetrate you and stimulate that nerve-packed God-that-feels-good front vaginal wall. Source-Cosmopolitan. Learn more »

Supermodel Heidi Klum, actress Eva Longoria, singer-actress Nicole Kidman and many others have gone on record saying that they like to bring out their kinky side in the bedroom.

Couples who have experienced their 'fetish' for such fantasies swear by its pleasure. Whether you want to be the wild cat and use the belt to control your partner or use sex toys to spunk up your game of love, kinky sex is a great way to add spice to your sex life. Klum had once said, "There's nothing wrong with using a nice garter belt." While she loves to rule, Longoria prefers to be submissive. She admits that she loves being tied up with silk scarves during lovemaking. She likes a man to take charge. Each one of us has a deep desire to be ruled or to rule. Kinky sex gives you the opportunity to turn those dreams into reality.

Tie me down
Imagine lying down on your bed waiting for your partner. Suddenly your hands are handcuffed and you get blindfolded. You have no idea what's happening when your partner whispers in your ear, 'Honey, submit yourself.' He caresses you and takes you on a journey where all your desires seem to be fulfilled. Imagine! You are bound to reach the ultimate point of satisfaction.

Role play
When you are bored with your routine sex life and love making becomes 'just another task, try making it fun (instead of faking that headache). Role-playing is a must-try for those who wish to fulfill their sexual fantasies. Think of some interesting scenarios and don some exciting costumes and let your imagination guide you. Dress up like a maid, or a teenager, or try more mature roles like MILF or a teacher seducing a student. Guys could enact the role of a cow boy, or a cabana boy.

Deliciously unexpected
Kinky sex is all about 'revealing' your wild side. If you are mild and sober in your real life, be the king of the fantasy world. Dominate the bedroom moves. Spank your partner or do smut talking - the shock your partner will get to see this side of you will get things in the right gear.

Sex toys
While many use them to satisfy themselves when their partner is away, you can try them when your partner is with you. The reason? Multiple orgasms. Dildos, vibrators, Wen ba balls are some toys you could try to kick-start a heated sexual frenzy.

Dance, baby, dance
A seductive dance is all it takes to woo your partner. Guys could try the American Pie dance (at your own risk) and girls could do the sexy pole dance. Play her favourite song in the background and do a close dance. Slowly touch her and feel her and you are all set for a hot and sexy night.

Spank her tight
Spank her, bite him, hit him, pull her hair, do what you like to make it a passionate sexual encounter.

These are just a few ways to make your sex life pleasurable. Bring out the sexy, naughty, bitchy you for a more fanatical sex. Learn more »